Pet Monologues

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.

The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest possible extent . I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not required. Read the rest of this entry »

AB 1634 is a controversial bill (authored by Democrat Lloyd Levine) in the California State Legislature which would require that dogs and cats in California be spayed or neutered by 6 months of age. Read the rest of this entry »

After many years of having a variety of pets—mammals, birds, reptiles, fish—we realize that a remedy is determined by your particular need at the time. Right now we have a 19-year-old blind cat who howls. We realize that we can bring in no new mammal playmate for our kitty.

For us, vet costs are higher as our cat has been on meds for his thyroid for three years. Let’s talk about the vet bills and how to keep them as low as possible.

We just read that in 1973 a vet opened a rural Kansas office and charged $6 for a visit. Things change: last year Americans spent more than $10 billion on veterinary care, according to the American Pet Products Manufacturers Association.

A single visit to a vet cost an average of $135 for a dog owner as of 2006, the last time the veterinary group took a survey of those costs. That’s up 83 percent from 10 years earlier. Inflation played a major role—the costs of office space, staff salaries, equipment and supplies have all shot up.

Pet owners also are demanding a higher level of care. “Years ago, if an animal had a serious cancer,” Gregory Hammer, president of the American Veterinary Medical Association, said, “someone would say to put him to sleep. Now they want to be referred to an oncologist.” Read the rest of this entry »

Is Rover coughing? It could be dog flu.

Experts urge pet owners to be on the alert now that the disease has been confirmed in Illinois. Read the rest of this entry »

Man returns dogs’ bones.

Transplants of bone marrow, perfected in canine tests, will soon treat their cancers. Read the rest of this entry »

An article in Salon “What I wouldn’t do for my cat” inspired the following letters (editor’s pick) regarding medical treatment for your sick pet.

My cat = my new carpeting

Last year, my husband got a nice bonus from work. The same week our cat, Leo, ate a penny (yes, ate a penny, in front of our two kids). Turns out that is a very awful thing for a cat to do. He ended up with pancreatitis, mouth infections, ulcers, was in an emergency vet hospital for a week on IV’s, all sorts of treatments. And, he pulled through. My kids love that cat–but the treatment? Took the bonus–ALL of it–over $5,000. I joked that the cat ate my new carpeting, which is what I had intended to spend the $5,000.

Yes, we love him and I am glad to have him, but I still think we were crazy to spend that much money on a cat. Read the rest of this entry »

Here are three kitty products worth a look unless you like being hands on with your friend(s). Also, whenever litter products are discussed I wish someone would address a solution for litter tracks. We use clumping litter, clean it daily, and have not had much luck keeping the litter contained. I suppose this is like asking the cat to take their muddy boots off before coming into the house.

drinkwell water fountain

Littermaid

Litter Robot

Drinkwell
* Measures 9″ W x 11″ D x 7 1/4″ H.
* Adjustable flow rate.
* Self-contained (no need to connect to a water line).
* No overflow if power is lost.
* Pitcher-like spout is 5″ above the floor, creating a waterfall effect.
* Electrical use of the appliance is 6 W.

A must have supply for your cat or small dog! Treat your pet to fresher, better tasting water with the Drinkwell Fresh Water Fountain. Read the rest of this entry »

I woke up at 6:30 this morning to take my ex-roommate’s cat to the vet. I guess he’s my cat now. His name is Max and he’s a very skinny orange tabby cat. He came complete with a fifteen second memory span and he has only one facial expression, which is blank. I often wonder if he was somebody’s genetic cloning experiment. That or if he is suffering from fetal alcohol syndrome. He’s just a living cat with barely a hint of character.

I’m trying to give him a personality but it’s difficult. I wonder if my techniques are working. The first technique is to hold him tightly against my chest and speak nonsense to him, kiss his face really hard, and then let him jump out of my arms to freedom. This does not seem to have any effect on him. He just looks mildly bewildered. The second technique is to spank his rump playfully. Again, there’s not much response. Not even the cliché look of superiority most normal cats constantly wear. But I haven’t picked Max up in days and have hardly petted him. I’ve even locked him out of my room. I’m disgusted by him right now. To get my mind off him I think about today’s homework. My teacher wants me to write about something I know a lot about. I glance at a picture of Evan, framed and sitting on my nightstand, where I can see it every night before I go to sleep. I think about Evan’s life and its tragic ending. I wonder if I should write about him. Read the rest of this entry »