Pet Monologues

Alright I’ll do it ma. Jes’. Always bothering me to do stuff for ya. God..Why can’t you ask Charles to do it? (Charles is Biff’s brother) Ma? Why can’t you ask Charles to do it? How come I always have to be the one to clean up the dogs poop in the yeard? He never does it!

I know it’s my dog but everybody plays with Sheba so why shouldn’t everybody chip in to clean up her poop? It’s not fair ma and you know it. Then nobody is allowed to pet her. If nobody wants to clean her poop up, then nobody is allowed to pet her.

You can’t return Sheba ma! Come on! Alright, alright I’ll clean up her poop but I still think that this isn’t fair. No, ma! I said I’m gonna clean it. I’m cleaning it now! Just putting on my sneakers.

You happy???

Source:Monologueblogger.com

Can cats talk? Many cat owners would like to think so and some even claim that their cats speak a number of recognisable words. A Brazilian cat takes claims one step further by apparently being able to sing a number of well known songs while the Fortean Times carried a report of a cat which speaks several words in Turkish and suggested, with tongue firmly in cheek, that the reason many owners cannot understand their cats is because the cats are speaking Turkish. But before cat-owners rush out for phrase books, are these cats really speaking or are their owners just talking turkey?
Photo: Kevin Steele

For humans, the terms ’speech’ and ‘talk’ are not restricted to vocalization, but encompass human body language (which most of us read without realising it), gestural languages (sign language) and tactile languages (of deaf-blind individuals) which are equally expressive among those fluent in their use. Further, human language comprises both verbal and non-verbal components (including the written extension of body language through gestural substitutes such as the , symbols within Internet communication). Read the rest of this entry »

Photo of myself in the same wheelbarrow with a now full-grown Sparky.

Sparky was a gift to me from my father on my 8th birthday: July 29, 1955. This was a year after our last dog, Kim, was killed by a car.

Sparky was six weeks old, born on June 17. I think I remember that because Pop’s birthday was July 17 and Mom and Pop’s aniversary was August 17. I think Pop chose Sparky because he had the same coloring as Kim: white with a black head and highlights of brown around he eyes. He also had a black spot on his back. Neutering male dogs was hardly ever done in those days, so naturally I spent a lot of time chasing after Sparky, just like I did chasing after Kim. Unlike Kim, however, Sparky would come eventually, but only when Mom called him. Although I loved Sparky like a brother, he was more of a mama’s dog. That’s probably also because Mom was better at feeding him. Read the rest of this entry »

I woke up at 6:30 this morning to take my ex-roommate’s cat to the vet. I guess he’s my cat now. His name is Max and he’s a very skinny orange tabby cat. He came complete with a fifteen second memory span and he has only one facial expression, which is blank. I often wonder if he was somebody’s genetic cloning experiment. That or if he is suffering from fetal alcohol syndrome. He’s just a living cat with barely a hint of character.

I’m trying to give him a personality but it’s difficult. I wonder if my techniques are working. The first technique is to hold him tightly against my chest and speak nonsense to him, kiss his face really hard, and then let him jump out of my arms to freedom. This does not seem to have any effect on him. He just looks mildly bewildered. The second technique is to spank his rump playfully. Again, there’s not much response. Not even the cliché look of superiority most normal cats constantly wear. But I haven’t picked Max up in days and have hardly petted him. I’ve even locked him out of my room. I’m disgusted by him right now. To get my mind off him I think about today’s homework. My teacher wants me to write about something I know a lot about. I glance at a picture of Evan, framed and sitting on my nightstand, where I can see it every night before I go to sleep. I think about Evan’s life and its tragic ending. I wonder if I should write about him. Read the rest of this entry »

Remember Nora, the piano-playing cat?

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She’s back, with another purrrfectly (pardon our pun) executed classic performance — and this time she’s playing a duet. But her partner isn’t the pianist doggie (although that would be our ultimate dream team). She’s teaming up with the pros, and we see nothing but improvement in her performance. We’d love to have her do a Sessions set live in the AOL studio one day … the Meow Mix buffet is on us.

What’s the Big Deal?
Ah, the pitter patter of four-legged feet as they whip through your living room at overclocked speeds or uproot your prize gladiolas with manic fervor. But Snookiepuss and Mrs. Fluffypants are practically family, right?

So why should they settle for anything less than top drawer when their health and wellbeing are at stake? Throw the planet a bone while you’re at it; we’ve got the goods on how to reduce your pets’ carbon paw prints—without making your wallet roll over and play dead. Read the rest of this entry »

If you have pets, you may have wondered whether they know what you’re thinking. Perhaps your cat hides when you start planning a trip to the vet. Or maybe your dog runs in circles when you think about going out to play. Both of these events can have logical explanations. Your cat might have heard you pull the carrier off the shelf; your dog must have seen you glance at a favorite ball. Read the rest of this entry »

We are flying from Long Beach on Jet Blue, our first flying experience with the upstart. We flew in from Chicago for a surprise birthday party for a beloved cousin and a long getaway weekend with family and friends. The last night cousin David showed us a six-month effort at digitizing old family photos that went back four generations. Memories came back in a flood of emotion and wonder as we revisited cherished photos and ones we had never seen before. In many of the photos were our pets that in some cases marked milestones in our lives. On the plane I decided to recreate the comings and goings of my pet dogs. Read the rest of this entry »

So It’s Time To Buy A Dog!

After listening to your kids beg for a puppy for years, you’re finally ready to give in and buy a dog. Before you take this big step though, stop to consider a few facts that should influence your decision. After all, you are about to enter into a 10+ year commitment, and you want to make sure you’re prepared!….Don’t You?

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First, consider your impulse to begin with a puppy. Puppies are undeniably adorable and appealing, but they need lots of exercise, training, and supervision. Depending on your work schedule and the ages of your children, do you really have time to handle a rambunctious pup?
Read the rest of this entry »

After purchasing a new puppy, it should be taken to a licensed veterinarian for a total health examination. Owners should make sure the puppy is of good quality, and do all that they can to insure that the puppy is healthy at the time of acquisition. You should find out which shots have already been administered and then set about completing the puppy’s entire series of vaccinations. This will protect the new puppy from diseases and worms.

During this time, it is best to keep your puppy away from strays and other animals, which may not have been vaccinated. Also, keep poisonous substances out of your dog’s reach. Some indoor plants are poisonous to dogs, so don’t let your puppy chew on their leaves or play near them. Ask a veterinarian for a list of hazardous plants and other potential toxins, including insecticides, household detergents, and household plants.

At first, your puppy will need lots of rest, so handling and playtime should be minimized. Your puppy should have a quiet place reserved for feeding and for resting. This area should be a light traffic area, and free from drafts and excessive sunshine. Most importantly, the puppy should feel safe and comfortable in the spot you have chosen. No radical changes in diet should be made without consulting a veterinarian, and you should also refrain from feeding your puppy “human” food because it may upset his stomach.

If you have children or frequent visitors, you should show them how to handle the puppy (i.e. a puppy should never be picked up by its front legs or neck), and focus on properly socializing and introducing the puppy to them.

With consistence and compassion, preparation and patience, your puppy will make a comfortable transition into your family and reward you with unconditional love and friendship.