Pet Monologues

I just found a neat cat video site. This is what caught my eye…

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Seen on catontape.com

by Sadie Stephens, age 13

so i’ve like this one guy for a while, right? ok, well, today i wrote a note, saying that i like him, and i gave it to him in class. unfortunately, he said that he’d read it after class, and i don’t get to see him for the rest of the day. boys. jeezy creezy. and there’s this boy named will in my class that likes me (i don’t care, really), and we were playing a game where someone yells your name, and they toss a ball at you. if you don’t catch it, you’re out, and if you call someone’s name that’s already been called, you’re out. so my teacher asks us if we’re ready, and then she throws it at will, and he doesn’t catch it, so he’s out. well, he gets kinda upset, and then goes off to sulk. then he comes back in the game just as i get the ball, so i say his name, and throw it at him as hard as i can. he obviously doesn’t catch it, and i hit him just as my teacher’s talking about how he was out, and she’s agreeing that he can come back in the game. then i hit him and she says, “well, now you’re out”. it was so easy. i got him at least twice. and he was threatening me about it too. he even took one of the tennis balls off of the bottom of the chairs, and he threatened to hit me in the face with it. fortunately the bell rang for the end of the day. Read the rest of this entry »

We love these videos!

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Dead pets for sale.

(ARCHIVE) Remember being aghast to find your pet goldfish mysteriously floating upside down in a fishbowl? Or cringing at the sight of your cat mashed along the roadside? Read the rest of this entry »

I woke up at 6:30 this morning to take my ex-roommate’s cat to the vet. I guess he’s my cat now. His name is Max and he’s a very skinny orange tabby cat. He came complete with a fifteen second memory span and he has only one facial expression, which is blank. I often wonder if he was somebody’s genetic cloning experiment. That or if he is suffering from fetal alcohol syndrome. He’s just a living cat with barely a hint of character.

I’m trying to give him a personality but it’s difficult. I wonder if my techniques are working. The first technique is to hold him tightly against my chest and speak nonsense to him, kiss his face really hard, and then let him jump out of my arms to freedom. This does not seem to have any effect on him. He just looks mildly bewildered. The second technique is to spank his rump playfully. Again, there’s not much response. Not even the cliché look of superiority most normal cats constantly wear. But I haven’t picked Max up in days and have hardly petted him. I’ve even locked him out of my room. I’m disgusted by him right now. To get my mind off him I think about today’s homework. My teacher wants me to write about something I know a lot about. I glance at a picture of Evan, framed and sitting on my nightstand, where I can see it every night before I go to sleep. I think about Evan’s life and its tragic ending. I wonder if I should write about him. Read the rest of this entry »

This is a story about two twenty-something women, friends, sharing an apartment. This is a true story but names have been changed as you have come to expect. Jane worked at an electronics manufacturer. Mary worked at a book publishing company. Jane was a bit of a home body. Mary was usually out and about. It came to pass that Jane’s boss needed a cat sitter as he was going on vacation. Read the rest of this entry »

Snakin’ Google: python saga eerily reminiscent of Studio 60. Hooray, the kids at Google caught the giant python on the loose in their offices! Not a joke! There was a giant python on the loose in their offices! It turns out that after launching not one but two April Fool’s Day pranks, New York-based Googlers received an email warning them that “a 3-foot long, brown-and-grey ball python” had escaped from his owners cage and was lost somewhere in the office. [RK] Read the rest of this entry »