Pet Monologues

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.

The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest possible extent . I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not required. Read the rest of this entry »

hunter

kokoa girl
Think your little Ethan’s a David Bowie in Crocs, your Isabelle’s the next Gwen Stefani, or your bulldog’s a ringer for Bono? Dress up your pint-sized guitar hero like a rock star, snap a picture, and upload your entry to the Independent Film Channel ( IFC ) “Dress Your Kid (and/or Pet!) Like a Rock Star” photo contest. Runners up win $500 each and the grand prize winner earns a cool $5000. Plus, the highest rated photo each week wins a $50 iTunes gift certificate. Enter as many photos as you like (one per day). And make sure to check out the photo gallery daily to rate the rockers. ( thank you john mccartney )

CHICAGO — More than 1,000 phony registrations were submitted, Lake County official says. Read the rest of this entry »

Think you’re seeing double?

The household pet, named Yoda, was born with an extra set of ears.

Valerie and Yoda

Valerie and Ted Rock took him in two years ago after visiting a bar near their home in Chicago, where he was being passed round by curious drinkers. He was one of a large litter and the owners were looking for a home for him.

The couple immediately fell for the freaky feline and asked the owner if they could adopt him. He agreed and the couple named the cat Yoda, after the pointy-eared Jedi knight in Star Wars.

Valerie, 65, said: ‘We were at a pub on the south side of Chicago with a group of friends when we noticed a small cage sitting on the bar and people passing around a kitten.

‘He had been part of a large litter and the owners were looking to find a home for him.

‘Ted and I had just lost a cat that was our pet for over 20 years, and we were sure we were done with cats.

‘We decided to name him Yoda. I understand the Star Wars character was based on George Lucas’ cat.’ Read the rest of this entry »

Cougar in bedroom kills dog.

IDLEDALE, Colorado (AP) — A mountain lion crept through an open door into a house outside Denver, snatched a Labrador retriever from a bedroom where two people were sleeping and left the dog’s dead body outside, wildlife managers said Tuesday. Read the rest of this entry »