Pet Monologues

Recently I read an article about dogs. It defined purebreds, hybrids, and mutts. The “hybrid” was labeled a “designer dog.” Of course this was the one I was most interested in. I am a designer.

What the hell does “designer-fill-in-the-blank” mean? Dogs are labeled “designer dogs” because many of them are bred “by design” for specific reasons like minimizing allergies to shedding and dander, having good temperaments as family pets, and eliminating excessive drooling. Is “designer-this-or-that” an admirable label? I can’t deny it, “designer dogs are pretty popular.”

The design thing:
“By design.” You know, everybody knows, designers are “trained” to arrive at beautiful looking and/or beautiful working solutions. It’s part of the process. It’s what we do. In a perfect world designers always use the process for our work-for-hire solutions. Some use the process for personal solutions, like “living and breathing” design. 24 x 7. I can think of several as we write. Read the rest of this entry »

Our boxers were immortalized for us on a floor mat by our aunt as a wedding gift in 2003.

For the highly structured bloggers, or those that long to be, here is a blog, Watermark—a poet’s notebook, that has been posting Cat items on Friday’s. It suggests a great way to create that “something fun to look forward” mindset. To introduce you to Watermark here is one of the earlier posts that went all the way back to August 2004! The title is “Badly Drawn Cats” and the premise is this: “it’s all very simple—drunken doodling leads to challenge to friends leads to asking random people in pub to draw pictures leads to knocking up web site leads to obsession!”

Here are several to admire:

Source: Watermark—a poet’s notebook.

Warning: Violence. Adult language.

Man, I saw this guy get chomped by a fucking hippo dude. Man, this guy was getting eaten alive man. No, I wasn’t there dog, I saw it on t.v. It was on the Discovery Channel bro. This guy was in this canoe thing right and he’s rowing along, minding his own business, when all of a sudden, a huge fucking hippopotamus comes exploding out of the water!

The dude gets sucked into the jaws of this fucking hippo man and the hippo is like munch, munch, munch on the dude, dude! It was crazy man. No, I didn’t see it happen like that exactly man. It was like a whatchamacallit, a, ahhhh, like when those actor people act like what happened in real life man. What is that shit called??? Oh yeah, a reenactment. Right..renac, a rena, a shit, you know, anyways, fucking hippo was chowing down on this dude and then it spits the guy out of its jaws man. Read the rest of this entry »

eBay tells Vick chew on this in same breath cancels abused pet fundraiser.

Is it true that eBay is canceling a charity auction to help abused pets? Read the rest of this entry »

An endangered animal story by Sabina, age 10.

It was a happy sunshine day on the northern coast of Florida, when Sara Hawksbill was told to come out to play with her friends. It is like tropical weather, with its humid climate and fresh smell. When she returned, her mother scolded her because she just finished cleaning the house and now she had more work. She told Sara to go take a bath while she cleaned Sara’s muddy mess.

Sara thought that her mother was just saying this, but with the look on her mother’s face she went anyway. Once Sara got there, she saw her friend, the fisherman, having trouble-catching fish. So she went to him and told him, “I will get some fish for you.” Then she went down in the water and grabbed some fish with her hooked beak. The fisherman was overseeing her with interest because under the water her body really looked like a hawk. She had a patterned shell and beautiful body that had two claws at the front flaps. When she returned and gave the fish to the fisherman, she realized that she had to take a bath. After her bath she came home and saw that mama did not return yet. So she went to get dinner ready for mama, papa, and herself.

Mama still didn’t return. Even though when papa returned home from work, Sara asked him, “Did you see mama while you came this way home?” Read the rest of this entry »

Dead pets for sale.

(ARCHIVE) Remember being aghast to find your pet goldfish mysteriously floating upside down in a fishbowl? Or cringing at the sight of your cat mashed along the roadside? Read the rest of this entry »

It’s the word that I long to hear my husband say, but he has so much trouble uttering it - it begins with an “L” and he’s just too shy and self-conscious to say it aloud in public, but in the privacy of our home he’s not afraid to say “Labradoodle.”

I first noticed this at the park. When a woman asked what kind of dog was attempting to strangle itself at the end of our leash, I began to say “labradoodle,” but my husband steamrolled over me and said, “Oh, he’s a mutt. Some kind of lab mix. We aren’t really sure.” Her curiosity satisfied, she went on her way and I gave my husband an inquisitive look, which he shrugged off.

Next our neighbor, who isn’t exactly a dog person, asked where we got the blond wookie. A big strapping guy who spends way too much time polishing his Harley Davidson and too little riding it, he first remarked that we needed another dog “like Iraq needs sand.” Ha-ha. Then he pointed out that the dog looked like a big poodle. My husband bristled a bit. “Hey, he’s a lab. Well, he’s mostly lab. He’s not a poodle.” Read the rest of this entry »

An endangered animal story by Nina, age 10.

I, Sara, a squirrel monkey, was hunting for my daily meal in the rainforest’s canopy: bugs, berries and leaves. I suddenly heard this noise that was so loud, it almost broke my eardrums! The tree I was in started to shake and I practically fell off! I quickly jumped into another tree, and the one I was in fell to the floor of the rainforest. After that exciting moment, I looked down, and saw a human with what I think was a chainsaw!

Illustration by Nina using Kid Pix.

I quickly called all the animals, (yeah, even that pesky ocelot that kept on chasing me). We had a meeting to come up with a plan that would stop the human from cutting the canopy, and make him go back where he came from. “How about we tie him up with vines and send him down the Amazon!” Jaguar exclaimed. Read the rest of this entry »

An endangered animal story by Kyle, age 10.

One day in the Woods of No Return a sheep was attacked by a pack of Timber Wolves. At first the Timber Wolves broke the sheep’s leg, and made it bloody.

Illustration by Kyle using Kid Pix.

Then out of whom knows where came Balto the Red Wolf/Dog with his reddish brown fur and brown eyes. Balto chased three wolves away. Four of them howled and shouted out at Balto, “Timber.” Then out of who knows where came an avalanche. Balto quickly pushed him and the seriously injured sheep to the side while they watched the huge mass of snow go by.

Then Farmer Fred came out of his house, and saw Balto next to the sheep and thought he tried to kill it. So he rushed into his house and got his rifle, but Balto was gone by the time he got outside. The one thing Farmer Fred did not know about Balto is he does not eat live puny sheep he only eats dead puny sheep. Farmer Fred was eager to get Balto, and all the Red Wolves that live around him. Red Wolves are endangered and Farmer Fred wanted Red Wolves extinct. Red Wolves are endangered because they go after sheep and farmers kill them. Read the rest of this entry »