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  • If animals had an election.

    Who would be the next President of the animal kingdom…

    Find some answers here

    Join the forum discussion on this post - (2) Posts

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  • Here Kobe, here.

    Kobe Bryant’s popularity extends even to the animal kingdom. From a database of more than 465,000 pet insured animals including dogs, cats, birds, and exotic domesticated animals, 359 are named “Kobe,” making it the 189th most popular name of 65,536 pet names across the nation. Five pets in the database are named “LeBron,” two are name “Yao Ming,” and there’s a “Boston Garnett” along with a “Dirk Nowitzki.”

    The most unusual sports name in the pet world, however, might belong to a Yorkshire Terrier that answers to “Kobe Shaq Jackson.” via los angeles times

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  • Dress up games.

    For Halloween one needs a creative tool to dress up Fluffy and Buddy. Here it is! Dressup games. My cute pet dressup.

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  • Pets vote.

    “Even our dogs and cats have learned that elections matter.” vice president Al Gore Click on a dog to buy a vote for Bark Obama or McCanine. Check in daily to see who is pulling on the lead…

    visit petsvote

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  • Pets. Dead people. Asked to vote.
    CHICAGO — More than 1,000 phony registrations were submitted, Lake County official says. Dogs, goldfish and dead people were sent voter registration forms by mistake as part of an aggressive registration drive in the northern suburbs, Lake County Clerk Willard Helander said Friday. "This is nothing like we've ever seen before," Helander said in a news conference in Waukegan, where election workers identified more than 1,000 phony registrations submitted over the past few weeks. Helander blamed the problem on a group called the Voters Participation Center, a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization that is a project of Women's Voices/Women's Vote based in Washington, D.C. Sarah Johnson, a Women's Voices spokeswoman, said the group uses a commercial data list generated by a national vendor to send out registration forms and that mistakes happen. "Sometimes . . . people think it's funny to get a magazine addressed to their cat or their dog, and when they do that, their cat or dog ends up on the list," Johnson said. "But we're just trying to make it as easy as possible for people to register and vote." Election officials in Oregon, Kentucky and other states have complained that the Women's Voices project has caused confusion. A record 401,935 Lake County residents are registered for the Nov. 4 election. via chicago tribune [1] [1] http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-lake-voter-fraud-both-18-oct18,0,7157423.story
  • Great Lakes wolf killing stopped.
    Court Reverses Bush Decision to Strip Protection From Wolves in Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Michigan. Breaking News! Agreeing with a Center for Biological Diversity legal action, a federal judge today overturned a 2007 Bush administration decision to remove Great Lakes area wolves from the endangered species list. The ruling puts an immediate halt on the killing of hundreds of wolves in Michigan, Minnesota, and Wisconsin. While the Great Lakes wolf population has increased to 4,000 individuals under the protective cover of the Endangered Species Act, the species is still missing from most of its historic range, including the Northeast, the southern Rocky Mountains, the Great Basin, and the West Coast. Rather than developing a national wolf recovery strategy, the Bush administration craftily abandoned wolf recovery in most of the country by delisting wolves in the Great Lakes and the northern Rocky Mountains and declaring that the lack of wolves in other areas relieves the administration of any responsibility to continue recovery actions. In today's ruling, the judge agreed with the Center's amicus argument that stripping protection from local populations while refusing to consider the recovery of wolves throughout the lower 48 appears to violate the central purpose of the Endangered Species Act. The precedent setting ruling will protect hundreds of species from this backdoor strategy of abandoning species recovery. This is the second major victory in two weeks for the Center's wolf recovery fund. On September 16, the government announced it would give up defending against our northern Rockies wolf lawsuit. Thanks for supporting the wolf defense fund and sending thousands of emails and petitions objecting to the slaughter of wolves in Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Minnesota, and Wisconsin. This victory couldn't have happened without your help. Thanks also to our litigation allies at the Humane Society, Help Our Wolves Live, the Animal Protection Institute, and Friends of Animals and Their Environment.
  • Endangered species act under assault.
    Send Comments to Secretary Kempthorne. Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne announced devastating changes to the Endangered Species Act, signaling the end of protection for thousands of imperiled species. The new regulations would: - Exempt thousands of federal activities from review under the Endangered Species Act; - Eliminate checks and balances of independent oversight; - Limit which effects can be considered harmful; - Prevent consideration of a project’s contribution to global warming; - Set an inadequate 60-day deadline for wildlife experts to evaluate a project in the instances when they are invited to participate – or else the project gets an automatic green light; - Enable large-scale projects to go unreviewed by dividing them into hundreds of small projects. We must stop Kempthorne from fatally crippling our nation’s most successful wildlife law. Take action today. [1] [1] http://salsa.democracyinaction.org/o/2167/t/5243/campaign.jsp?campaign_KEY=25351
  • Porpoises belly up to low-fat diet.
    TOKYO — Dolphins at a Japanese marine park are going on a low-fat diet after developing potbellies and failing to look sharp in their aquatic performances. Kinosaki Marine World in western Japan said Tuesday that all its 19 dolphins have been on a low-fat diet since late August, when they started failing to hit jumping targets and keep upright while treading water. "We were puzzled by their poor performance. Then we noticed they looked rounder," said park spokesman Haruo Imazu. Keepers weighed them and found all had gotten plumper, some up to 22 pounds heavier just during the summer. All had the same menu—about 31 pounds of mackerel mixed with some white fish — but keepers found the mackerels had gotten fattier, adding too many calories. Keepers immediately put them on a weight-loss program, feeding them more white fish and less fatty mackerel while instituting an exercise regime, Imazu said. Less fat and moderate exercise seem to be working. via chicago tribune [1] [1] http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-dolphins_01oct01,0,4672913.story
  • Man punches shark. Saves dog.

    SLAMORADA, Fla. — A dog is recovering after a Florida Keys carpenter dove in to save his pet from a shark.

    Greg LeNoir said he took his 14-pound rat terrier Jake for a daily swim at a marina Friday.

    The 5-foot shark suddenly surfaced and grabbed nearly the entire dog in its mouth.

    LeNoir said he yelled, then balled up his fists and dove headfirst into the water. He hit the shark in the back and the creature finally let go of the dog.

    Man and dog made it safely back to shore. The dog suffered bite wounds but was not critically injured.

    PM editor’s note: OMG!

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  • Elephant killed by bus.
    MEXICO — A five-ton elephant was killed by a bus after it escaped from a circus in Mexico, and wandered onto a busy highway. Bus driver Tomas Lopez, 49, also died and at least four passengers were taken to hospital after the accident, which happened just before dawn on Tuesday in Ecatepec, north of Mexico City. The elephant had escaped from its cage at the Circo Union circus, according to Mexico State police spokesman Juan Sanchez, who said officers were still investigating the circumstances. It is understood that the 40-year-old animal, named Hilda, broke free as her keeper arrived to feed her. She apparently knocked down a metal door that led to the street and wandering through two neighbourhoods before trying to cross the road. Marcelino Ramos, 22, keeper at the Circo Union circus, told El Universal daily newspaper: "I untied her so she could eat. She never did this before, but suddenly she ran at full speed and broke through the gate." Police said the bus driver stood no chance of avoiding the elephant as it charged onto the road near the famous Teotihuacan pyramids. Last month, a 500lb lion escaped from a private zoo in southern Mexico. The animal killed two dogs and a pig and attacked a woman and child on a donkey before it was sedated and caught. via telegraph.co.uk [1] [1] http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/centralamericaandthecaribbean/mexico/3069003/Escaped-circus-elephant-killed-by-bus-in-Mexico.html



World Animal Day Share This


Maukie the cat!

Nibbie’s parlor.

NOTE: Adult language.

Monologue Description: “NIBBIE’S PARLOR” is an absurd theatre monologue.

Character Description: In this monologue, Plathamus talks to a long distanced cousin, whom he hasn’t seen in many years, all about his business parlor. He drinks heavily…

PLATHAMUS:

(what starts off as a slow bark, escalates into a louder, faster…more fierce bark)

ruff…ruff…ruff…Ruff…Ruff…RUFF…RUFF…RUFF…RUFF! RUFF! RUFF!! RUFF!! RUFF!! RUFF!!! RUFF!!! RUFF!!!

(than silence)

(nonchalantly) I took a giant dump one day and discovered a key in my doody. Upon retrieving this key I also discovered that it unlocked a door. It took me ten years to find this door. When I opened it, a bunch of featherless chickens jumped out but they barked like dogs…They were barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking and barking…..and bark-ing.

One was blue, the small one and the others hated him, except for Oscar. Oscar was the biggest one and he protected the little blue one but whenever Oscar wasn’t around, the other featherless chickens would fuck him up. Sad.

I decided to kill the chicken dogs, including Oscar…all of them, except for the little blue one…the cute and innocent one…my friend…One by one, I cut their heads off as they jolted around crazed. The strange thing about it is that their heads kept on barking and barking and barking and barking and bark-ing. Don’t ask me why…it was the nature of such beasts. But I locked them all back up inside the room of the door I unlocked and all was well after that point in time…You see?

Me and my little blue friend though, we’ve been getting along just fine ever since. We’ve gotten really close. I named him BLUE. Perhaps not an original name but it describes him pretty well. Most pet owners nickname their pets based on a description of what the animal appears to be like…or some shit…so I named mine BLUE.

Blue and I have had some terrific conversations. Really, we have. I have learned all about so many things. It turns out that blue is a scientist. My God, what that chicken has taught me…Oh, and his knowledge of sex is astounding…I never knew a chicken can know so much about the human sexual organ. Fascinating really.

What about you? What kind of pets do you own? Any black frogs? Yellow dogs? Invisible cats? Any fish, you know the ones lately, the ones with teeth like dinosaurs, I want one of those. Surely, I do.

I also have a pet rat slash business partner. Yes, it’s true. Met him in Manhattan. Wonderful creature. I was on a drunk one night and I passed out by a bunch of garbage bags…I rest comfortably…soundly. My rat pet slash business partner came along and began nibbling on my ear…giving me sweet Hershey kisses along the circumference of my ear lobe—it tickled so…I opened my eyes but didn’t jump, I liked the sensation actually. I gently propped my head up on my hand and stared into the eyes of my new rat friend slash business partner. He smiled. I smiled. And I asked him, “Where did you learn to nibble like that?” He told me in France. I was amazed. Astounded by his nibbling technique. I told him how talented he was and from then on we became business partners. I fronted the money and we opened up a shop in downtown Manhattan…right in Soho actually…we named it NIBBIE’S PARLOR. It was such a proud day for us…we both went on a drunk and lit up cigars and were blazed all night long…haha! MEMORIES!!

I handled the paper work and NIBLER, that’s the name I gave him…again, not too original I’m afraid—goes back to the whole describing your pet type thing…remember? Nibler focused on the nibbling. Everday our business grew. People would come into the parlor and I would set them up on the table in one of the back rooms…it was a very quiet and comforting atmosphere. Exactly like a massage parlor but ours, ours was the first nibbling parlor to date.

(beat)

Nibler would come out and begin nibbling on the persons ear and once they were hooked, the rest of their bodies. Nib, Nib, Nibble…

Before long, we had twenty rat nibblers working for us…all trained by Nibler himself. It was a wonderful time in my life. Really, it was…But then we had the FREAK OUT! Someone had a tremendous fear of rats and began screaming…it happened to one of the newbies, you know, one of the newly trained nibblers…while nibbling he actually nibbled off an ear…to this day I am not so sure it was by accident…

Anyway, regardless, anyway…this human being began having an orgasm of fright and I was forced to take her out…Do you know what I mean when I say…TAKE HER OUT? I blew her fucking brains out with my shotgun….just took aim and KABLAMO!!! Left her head shattered into a kazillion pieces. In a matter of minutes all of the rats cleaned everything up.

So you see, things suddenly and accidentally…CHANGED. Sometimes in life, things are beyond your control…

Now, our parlor takes care of business…so to speak and I walk around with my best friend in the whole world…BLUE, my shotgun and watch as nibbler handles the nibbling…

(he smiles)

via monologueblogger

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